Frum Dating Advice

Worried about the potential danger involved in giving dating advice, several people have asked me if I am qualified to give such advice. The answer is, yes, I am qualified to give dating advice.

When taking a girl on a first date, do NOT take the girl to a very fancy and expensive restaurant such as Le Marais and Prime Grill. You will come off as pathetic and desperate. Even if the girl is very impressed, it will only win you, at most, one extra date. No sense of prolonging your misery. If you had any confidence in yourself you would take the girl to J2 for the first date.

Wearing suits on dates: Pretty gay.

No. Girls simply have more concerns than guys do, such as height, hairline, education, job, etc., thus eliminating most of the frum dating pool.

a) Stop bitching about not being set up with pretty girls when you know good-and-well that you would never have the balls to ask these girls out yourself (there is probably a reason people are not setting you up with these girls). More on this comming soon.

Part B of Lesson 1: Determining your value on the dating market.

b) Many guys who arent exactly attractive, or are just otherwise low on the social scale will ask "but moshe is an ugly nerd, and he got a hot girl, so why shouldnt i be able to get a hot girl?" The answer to this is, or course, that moshe has some other factor that compensates for his lack of physical beauty. In most cases this will be money (or parents money). Sometimes, it comes in the form of intelligence, humor, or even confidence, but will usually be money. In any event, the fact that you asked such a whiny and stupid question is indicative of the fact that you dont possess any of these compensating qualities.

Just because you had one relationship with a hot girl doesnt mean that any other "it" girl will go for you. I have seen some guys get over confident, and unrealistically raise their expectations simply because they dated one pretty girl. It is most likely that this girl had somekind of weird taste in guys, or was otherwise intoxicated. Guys: you know you belong in this category when you find yourself bringing up your hot ex in every other sentence. It was a fluke. Time to set realistic expectations and date that mediocre girl.

As previously stated, a big problem in the shidduch world today is guys not knowing their value on the dating market. When a man thinks he is more socially desirable than he actually is, it causes him to turn down many girls who are in the same league as him, with the hopes of getting a girl who is way out of his league. Much of this delusion of grandeur stems from the fact that these men have never really asked girls out themselves, which would have resulted in the guy getting rejected to his face, and probably bring him back down to earth. Instead, these men get to hide behind a shadchan, never actually facing rejection, never hearing the real reason they arent getting a second or third date. The guy can tell himself "Oh, the super hot girl doesnt want to go out with me again because we dont exactly have the same religious levels? No problem, ill just keep looking until I find a hot girl who is the same religious level." To remedy this problem, a panel should be set up, which every Jew in the shidduch market would have to go in front of before he/she starts dating. There will be four levels of dating desirability, 1 being the lowest and 4 the highest. Many factors will go into this rating, but it will be mainly looks (for girls) and money (for guys). Every person will be assigned to a level (1-4) and they will only be able to date people in the same level. I of course would head this panel, with full veto power over any mistakes my panel-mates would make.

Upon further review of the End the Madness website, I have found a page that features signatures of those who agree with the covenant. I highly doubt that a single person who singed it has actually read the covenant because if they did, they would see that the first one reads "It is fundamentally wrong to judge someone based on non-Halachic externalities." Because he doesnt go into any further detail, Im assuming non-halachic externalities means looks, personality, intelligence, etc. Now, creating a dating system where people are not allowed to be judged based on their looks and intelligence would clearly benefit chananya, who lacks both. The system, however, would severely hurt those of us who have any standards at all. I, now ,know that the whole purpose behind ETM is creating a system which would reduce the number of times chananya gets dumped by girls.